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Stress is in the eye of the beholder and everyone experience stress differently.
So it’s the way we think about our situations and problems that’s causing the stress, not the situations and stress itself.
Let’s look at how we can use positive thoughts to deal with stressful situations.
You Will Always Have Problems
Before we carry on, I want to share with you, this story:
| Once upon a time, long, long ago...Ok, Ok not so long ago. Anyway, some time ago, there was a village at the foot of a mountain. On top of the mountain there lived a wise old lady. She just sat around a fire all day and drank herbal tea. Whenever the villagers had a problem and needed wisdom, they would go to her (although it was quite a serious climb to the top of the mountain) One day there was this guy, who had a problem and needed wisdom, so he put on his climbing gear and summit the mountain. When he reached the top the old lady saw him and shouted: “I know why you are here” and he shouted back: “You do? Why?” She answered: “Because you have a problem” The bloke thought to himself, “Big deal. Everyone could have guessed that”, but he walked closer anyway. When he got there she told him: “I know you have a problem because everyone has problems - 83 to be exact. Yes, everybody has 83 problems” The guy looked a bit baffled and asked the women how she works that one out. She replied: “Everyone has 83 problems and your job is to solve them. But be assured that when you wake up tomorrow morning, you will have 83 problems again. It’s a constant. In other words, if you solve 50 of your 83 problems today, they will be topped up back to 83 tomorrow.” “That’s quite depressing”, the guy answered back. “Aah, but that’s the biggest problem of them all. Actually it’s the 84’th problem." "It’s the biggest one and actually the only one, because if you solve that one, you erase the effects of the other 83”. The guy thought to himself that this women couldn’t have been great in maths when she was in school, but he replied anyway: “And what is this 84th problem?" The old lady gave him a wicked smile and said: “Thinking that you shouldn’t have problems. You see, most people think that they shouldn’t have any problems and when they wake up every morning and find their 83 problems, they become a bit depressed, because they think they shouldn’t have them.” “Now they start solving them with the hope that when they are solved, they will be gone forever and they can focus on other things. So while they struggle to solve these problems they forget about the positives in their life.” "They reckon they can focus on that when they have solved their problems.” “So they put their family, children, dogs, hobbies and sadly even their dreams on hold, so they can get this source of irritation out of the way. Then, they wake up the next morning with their 83 problems topped up again” “So what should I do?” the man asked. “When you accept that you will always have problems, they will shrink in significance and although the issues will still be there, you will view them as opportunities to grow and learn. Go forth my son. Embrace your problems and be thankful for they are opportunities to make you a better person" |
One of the facts of life is that we will always have problems…83 to be exact. We might solve some of them and others will just stay with us constantly.
The thing with problems is that it creates all kinds of other side effects like stress, worry, depression and generally an unhappy life.
The 84th problem we all have is that we think if we can just get these problems out of the way, we will be happier. We reason that it is these external things that are stopping us from having positive thoughts and a fulfilling life.
The truth is, however, that some of our problems might go away and some will stay with us. Those that go away or get solved then just get replaced by other problems.
| That’s the thinking flaw...the 84th problem. The moment you think that you shouldn’t have problems or that you can only be fulfilled and happy when your problems go away, you will forever and ever be unhappy and unfulfilled. You will struggle to focus on positive thoughts. |
The reason is, like I have mentioned, that we will always, for ever and ever, have problems. The moment we accept this, we can let go of the grip it’s having on us. So how do we do that?
There is one sure way to solve any problem. Just get yourself a bigger problem. It’s true. Fine, you didn’t really solve the initial problem but the significance of it disappeared.
The point I am trying to make is not to deliberately burden yourself with bigger and bigger problems, but that even if problems still exist in your life, they can shrink in significance and the moment that happen, it loses its negative grip on you.
| Does this mean that you shouldn’t solve your problems? Definitely not. But if you are in a constant state of stress and worry you are in the worst possible space to solve them. |
People from the outside usually have a much clearer perspective on one’s problems than we have. It is because we are usually so paralyzed by them and because of that, we struggle to think with a clear and objective mind about them.
So how do we use positive thoughts to deal with these problems in our lives?
So except the “is”-ness of the situation. Don’t resist it. Don’t take it so seriously. This resistance is easy to recognize if you just take time to become aware of it. |
Now you will be in a much better space to effectively solve your problem and even if you can’t, it will shrink in significance. Our minds tend to always be in the future or the past.
| The past usually makes us feel guilty. Future thoughts usually makes us feel anxious. |
If you practice this conscious, present moment way of looking at problems, you will find that it’s not the problems that’s causing the unhappiness in your life, but the way you think about them. So don’t take your life so seriously. Smile at your problems for a change.
Stop Resisting Your Life...It Prevent Positive Thoughts
Most of us go through life resisting our current situation. It is the cause of so much unhappiness and stress. It will prevent positive thoughts.We plan our days, weeks, months and eventually our lives. We visualize how things will work out but we all know that things don’t always work out as we planned. That’s part of life.
The important thing in life is not how well things worked out for you, but rather, how you react to what life throughs at you.
Positive thoughts is about NOT resisting life. Everything we experience in our lives can be categorized into the following three situations:
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I don’t want to write about what to do in situations that we love being in. In those situations you are experiencing what you want anyway. What this article is about is what to do when we are in situations we hate or even those neutral ones that we don’t love or hate.
Life happens; the bad and the good. So why do I believe that positive thoughts can create a stress free life?
To answer that, I’d like to use the metaphor of a lake. On the surface you might get the most beautiful calm days. When you plan to go to the lake, you hope for days like this.
Other days might be windy and there might be a storm brewing. That’s like our life situations. Sometimes things go well and other times it’s stormy with winds and lightning and rain and bad weather.
Positive Thoughts When Things Go Horribly Wrong...
So what do we do in those situation that we hate being in? The traffic, being stuck with a flat wheel in the rain, the debt collector pitch up at your doorstep or you are simply in a job that you hate.| Just accept the “is”-ness of the situation. Don’t resist it. It’s fine. You are in the situation and it’s supposed to be like that. You will know when you resist the situation if you are aware and conscious. It manifest in feelings of frustration, anger, fear, depression and hopelessness. It might also manifest in behaviors like shouting and screaming, impatience, panic and low energy. |
When you recognize these feelings and behaviors, you are resisting your current situation…you are resisting life. Don’t try to change or beat yourself up because of these feelings either. Just accept it. Become conscious of it. It’s fine to feel that way.
Positive thoughts, living consciously and awareness is the key to stress free living. This is the door that you should use that key for.
The moment you become aware of those feelings and behavior, you will go under the surface of the stormy lake and find piece. You will know that it is fine and that it just “is”.
Will it solve your problem immediately? Will you be happy all of a sudden? No. But you will have piece and be fine with what “is”. You will become conscious. You will start feeling life at that moment. You will be in the best possible situation to deal with your trouble. You will be alive. Doesn’t happiness sound a bit dull compared to that?
What About Those Neutral Situations?...
Find the joy in everything you do. The times that we do things that we don’t necessarily hate or love is the times that we should practice this…consciously focus on positive thoughts.| Use situations like having breakfast in the morning or brushing your teeth. Again you can only enjoy it if you are conscious. During these times our minds are usually at other places and we miss the moment...we miss life. It might not be positive thoughts. |
When last did you really taste your breakfast? Become conscious of the taste of that apple…really taste it. When you talk to the person at the checkout counter at the shop, become aware of what she/he looks and sounds like. Look for the beauty in them. You will find it. These things will guarantee that life don’t pass you by. You will be alive...You will focus on positive thoughts.
The Things We Love...
Yes, these are the times when life grants us that positive thoughts by default, even on the surface of the lake. Enjoy it. Be present. Be grateful and please, pretty please, don’t let your mind spoil the moment by taking you to the things that you worry about.
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